I’ve been having trouble sleeping. Keep waking somewhere between two and four. Thinking…too much. Letting the world’s problems fill my psyche. Wondering if I have any power to effect change.
It happened again last night. I glanced at my phone. 2:17. Got up peed, washed, snuggled back down inside the sheets. Rolled over onto my stomach. Thought of all the hate filling the feeds. Wishing I had the words to turn it inside out. Rolled onto my side. Remembered a cruel barb an ex-boyfriend had thrown me. Put on a meditation tape.
The British woman’s soft voice filled my room. “I am love. I am goodness. I am a wondrous being immersed in spirit.”
The back of my head was now on the pillow and feet were splayed out like Vitruvian Man. I waited for sleep to come.
I am love. I thought. It’s the essence of my spirit.
So I began to pray. Not for myself but for the rest of them. The angry. The suffering. Those who look in the mirror or through windows to see only ugliness.
“God, help me to be kinder. Help me to be more forgiving. Please watch over my babies and keep them safe and in joy.”
“Help Mom to smile more and Dad to relax into the day.”
“Keep gentle hands on my students” shoulders. Help my colleagues know that, yes, they make a difference.”
“God, help me to help them. To have integrity and act in a way that doesn’t harm. And for he whose presence made my heart soar, but doesn’t know his wonder, help him bring down the walls and barriers that block out the world. ”
“God, help me to be love.”
And I finally drifted off.
About Laurie: The author of The Pharaoh’s Cry, Portal Shift, Kidnapped Smile, and Dragon Sky from the fantasy series The Artania Chronicles, as well as the middle-grade Forest Secrets. Laurie Woodward co-wrote Dean and JoJo: The Dolphin Legacy. Her poetry has been published in multiple journals and anthologies and she was a collaborator on the popular anti-bullying DVD Resolutions. Bullied as a child, Laurie is now an award-winning peace consultant, poet, and blogger who helps teach children how to avoid arguments, stop bullying, and maintain healthy friendships. She writes on the Central Coast of California. More about her work can be found at artania.net