Peace Cards: Kids Resolving Conflicts in a Few Easy Steps

Ms. Woodward! She’s being mean to me!” “Mom, he went in my room again!” “Mr. Garcia, Sam won’t play with me.” If these outbursts sound familiar, you’ve probably found that every fix was temporary. And frustrating. But don’t worry, most teachers and parents feel the same way.

So what to do? If you can’t fix these problems, who will?

The children.

For years, I tried solving problems for my students only to have them come back with the same exact issue a week later. Then I started to research conflict resolution, reading everything I could find on bullying and peace. I then took a course from Teachers Without Borders on peace in the classroom and began to experiment with tools for solving conflicts.

That’s when I hit on the idea of Peace Cards. Once I started using them, I was amazed at the results. They really work.
Why?
They empower children to come up with solutions themselves.

Here are the steps I go through with my students:

First, you’ll need to teach them the three types of conflict resolution.

Materials: Index cards, markers or crayons, whiteboard.

Step 1) Write the following on the board, chart paper or electronic whiteboard:
a) Passive = Giving in to another. (lose, win)
b) Aggressive = Attacking another. (lose, lose)
c) Assertive = Be firm with desired outcome. (win, win)
Step 2) Explain to children that these are the three ways that conflicts or problems can be resolved.
Step 3) Give examples of each. a) Passive might be when one child says, “Give me your lunch money,” and the other gives it freely. In this case the victim loses but the bully wins.( lose, win) b) Aggressive might be when one child says, “Give me your lunch money,” and the other responds by punching him in the nose. In this case both get hurt and in trouble. (lose, lose) c)Assertive vocabulary is when one child says, “Give me your lunch money,” and the other responds with a strong no without resorting to name calling. (win,win)

I usually invite a student to role play these choices with me, overacting in a silly way with overly exaggerated gestures to get them to laugh about how ridiculous it is to punch a kid (for aggressive behavior) or to shrink away with a Charlie Brown voice (for passive behavior.) Then we role play the assertive no demonstrating the effectiveness of standing up for yourself peacefully.

Step 4) Write three headings on the board

Passive Aggressive Assertive

Ask students to give examples of when they’ve experienced each and record their responses.

Step 5) Show students examples of Peace Cards. Go over good choice examples written on the back. Then Pass out index cards and invite children to make their own positive choice for conflict resolution. They draw and write a caption for a good choice.

Step 6) Collect. Place inside a basket or a box in a easily visible place. This will remind the class of positive choices for the future. Tell students that if they ever have a conflict with another child in the future they can make a new card or share an existing one with him/her.

Follow up: Now whenever students have conflicts that do not need serious intervention by an adult, tell them to use these tools. Have the disagreeing children discuss how to come up with a win-win situation and then invite them to make Peace Cards about how they could handle the situation better.

You’ll be surprised at their solutions.
Good luck!

About Laurie: The author of Forests Secrets and Finding Joy as well as The Pharaoh’s Cry, Portal Rift, Persistence of Memory, Kidnapped Smile, and Dragon Sky of the fantasy series The Artania Chronicles, Laurie Woodward is also a screenwriter who co-authored Dean and JoJo: The Dolphin Legacy. Her poetry has been published in multiple journals and anthologies and she was a collaborator on the popular anti-bullying DVD Resolutions. Bullied as a child, Laurie is now an award-winning peace consultant, poet, and blogger who helps teach children how to avoid arguments, stop bullying, and maintain healthy friendships. She writes on the Central Coast of California. More about her work can be found at Author Laurie Woodward — Next Chapter ia.net

A Little Shameless Self Promotion

“Our world will be saved if their art is true,” says Artania’s Prophecy. True art? WTF is that?

True art is that magical place of creativity inside us all that makes us believe in our own wonder. And that’s the theme of the Artania Chronicles. To inspire true art and take us to love, of self, family, partners, and more.

I am pretty friggin proud of this work. Even though I have taught full time for the past thirty years I still started each day in words, rising early to hit the keys. And now I have five published Artania novels and three other stand alones. Go me!

And they’re good! Each an adventure to another world where all art is alive. Populated with different art genres: The Impressionist Republic. Surrealia. The Renaissance Nation. Gothia. The Land of Antiquities. Painstakingly researched, there lives the art of Leonardo, Dali, Kahlo, Monet, and so many more.

Freaking unique.

But you don’t have take my word for it. Here’s what people are saying about The Artania Chronicles.

All for sale from multiple outlets including Barnes and Noble, Target, Amazon, Google Play, Apple Books and more!

Artania Chronicles: Inspiring Children

Why write about a world made of art? That’s different.

And unique, yes. Just like every child I’ve ever had the joy to meet.

In Artania, every time one presses crayon to paper, it births a wondrous being. Magical. Born of imagination and creativity.

What all children need.

Every child has such beauty inside but sadly so few see it. Their homes are fraught with neglect and abuse. Too many never celebrate their wonder.

Yet they should.

I’ve tried telling my students, “No one can draw, write, paint, sing, or dance just like you. You can create magic. If only you believe.”

Not enough.

So I wrote about an art-created world that needs them. That is in danger. And only the true art that comes from deep inside will save it.

“Like this Ms. Woodward?” One boy asks holding up a sketch.

And I nod hoping they will be inspired to create more.

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Sleepless Prayer

I’ve been having trouble sleeping. Keep waking somewhere between two and four. Thinking…too much. Letting the world’s problems fill my psyche. Wondering if I have any power to effect change.

It happened again last night. I glanced at my phone. 2:17. Got up peed, washed, snuggled back down inside the sheets. Rolled over onto my stomach. Thought of all the hate filling the feeds. Wishing I had the words to turn it inside out. Rolled onto my side. Remembered a cruel barb an ex-boyfriend had thrown me. Put on a meditation tape.

The British woman’s soft voice filled my room. “I am love. I am goodness. I am a wondrous being immersed in spirit.”

The back of my head was now on the pillow and feet were splayed out like Vitruvian Man. I waited for sleep to come.

It didn’t.

I am love. I thought. It’s the essence of my spirit.

So I began to pray. Not for myself but for the rest of them. The angry. The suffering. Those who look in the mirror or through windows to see only ugliness.

“God, help me to be kinder. Help me to be more forgiving. Please watch over my babies and keep them safe and in joy.”

“Help Mom to smile more and Dad to relax into the day.”

“Keep gentle hands on my students” shoulders. Help my colleagues know that, yes, they make a difference.”

“God, help me to help them. To have integrity and act in a way that doesn’t harm. And for he whose presence made my heart soar, but doesn’t know his wonder, help him bring down the walls and barriers that block out the world. ”

“God, help me to be love.”

And I finally drifted off.

About Laurie: The author of The Pharaoh’s Cry, Portal Shift, Kidnapped Smile, and Dragon Sky from the fantasy series The Artania Chronicles, as well as the middle-grade Forest Secrets. Laurie Woodward co-wrote Dean and JoJo: The Dolphin Legacy. Her poetry has been published in multiple journals and anthologies and she was a collaborator on the popular anti-bullying DVD Resolutions. Bullied as a child, Laurie is now an award-winning peace consultant, poet, and blogger who helps teach children how to avoid arguments, stop bullying, and maintain healthy friendships. She writes on the Central Coast of California. More about her work can be found at artania.net

Love’s Beginning: A Memory

I met my ex-husband in a college astronomy class and from the first moment I saw him, was mesmerized. It was a night class, so one evening we went out to coffee after. We talked for hours! Debating politics. Sharing stories. Laughing. Getting a little angry. His mind was so intriguing.

Within two weeks we were spending most of our days together. It was beautiful beyond compare. I was infatuated but wasn’t sure he was the one until Spring Break when we went backpacking in Big Sur.

It was a cloudy day but we weren’t worried. The weather reports were clear. So we set off hiking the mountain. Then is started to rain. And rain. Continuing in a steady stream all afternoon. By the time we got to camp, we were shivering and exhausted. Still we made a fire, warmed our soup, and set up our little pup tent. Around dark, we had a break in the storm and were hopeful that we could continue with the rest of the trip.

But nature had other plans. In the middle of the night we woke to the pattering of rain on canvas and a full-on stream flowing between our sleeping bags! Now I was scared. I read a lot about the dangers of hypothermia and how this insidious condition can be life threatening. So we crawled in the same bag and fought to keep each other warm.

In the morning it was still raining so we decided to hike back to the van. When we got there, it wouldn’t start.

David didn’t cuss or punch metal. Didn’t stomp his feet and fume. Instead, he said, “The alternator’s wet. We just need to wait for it to dry out.”

He was right. An hour later it started up just fine. And in those two days, my infatuation turned to love.

(Photos by my ex-husband, David Stroup)

Between two worlds

Love’s Rewrite: A Poem

Mind revisions

Of pain

And loss

Where dreams edit

Every goodbye

And failure.

A delete button

Of the mind

Where he never left

Cleaving me into two

And enveloping hearts intertwined.

I rewrite the past

In whispered fantasies

That lull me into

The stupor of sleep

A psyche typing REM

Day after day.

Deafening Silence: A Poem

I plug my ears

Against the deafening silence

Of forced isolation

Trying to bar screams from listless lips.

And the discordant phrasing of muted throats.

Have I become so jaded

As to find malaise in my own company?

Need I lament a compulsory isolation

As a petulant child might an elder’s chiding?

Or shall I unplug my ears

And let in the sound of

Birdsong, trees’ breath, and pelting rain?

This sublime orchestra

Invites me to perch at my conga

And accompany these tremors

For this is the time to exalt

And rejoice in

Each palpitating rhythm.

Ten Tips for Coping With Shelter in Place

As a writer, it is my job to be introspective, to observe, comment upon, and analyze. I feel it my duty to create works that act as a mirror for society, human interactions, and emotion. But Shelter-in-Place is so foreign that I’m finding it challenging to write.

Like many of you, I am fighting feelings of helplessness and depression. I long for human interaction, closeness, touch. I miss patting my friends on the back as we laugh over some silly joke, twirling on the dance floor goofily between hugs, and placing a hand on a gal pal’s arm in comfort.

As humans, we were not built for isolation. Remember that study from your reading in Psych 101? Back in the thirteenth century, the German king, Frederick II, conducted an experiment to discover what language children would grow up to speak if never spoken to. So King Frederick took babies from their mothers at birth and placed them in the care of nurses who were forbidden to speak to them. But a second rule was imposed, as well: the nurses were not allowed to touch the infants. Frederick’s experiment was an absolute failure, because every baby died. Without touch and tender words they couldn’t thrive.

We all need connection. So what to do now when that basic human need is denied us? I have found the following things help.

1) Avoid the news. It will only depress you. Read just enough to stay informed.

2) Limit your TV watching.

3) Put your favorite music on. Dance around the living room.

4) Do some activities that don’t need much brainpower such as cleaning. I find toilet scrubbing a good one.

6) Get outside. If you live in a house, weed, plant, mow, edge, blow. If you live in an apartment, sweep the walk.

7) Keep to your normal routine as closely as possible. I still shower early, do my hair and get dressed in the morning.

8) Give yourself a makeover. Try a new hair or makeup style. Get goofy and have fun with it. Laugh at your own silly antics!

8) Go for a walk.

9) Find a workout video and dance along. Zumba Workout

9) Go for a drive and crank the tunes: pretend you are a rebellious teen behind the wheel. Shake it Off Video

10) Do art. Paint, color, sketch. Make a dream board.

Any more ideas out there? I’d love to hear them. Blessings for healthy minds and bodies, dear ones!

Masks of Fear: A Poem

Masked faces hide

Mouths, noses, chins

But cannot shroud

The terror in our eyes.

Strangers approach

We give them wide berth

Like wary deer

Near circling wolves.

Veiled contempt

In polite platitudes of

“Sorry,”

“Pardon me.”

Do He or She have

IT?

We wonder

As gloved hands

Encased in latex and Purell

Repel touch.

Leaving us desolately

Separate

And alone.

Children Honoring Dr. King

This Martin Luther King Day I am thinking back to making an anti-bullying video last year. When I first heard about the contest, I thought it’d be a great way to teach my kids about how to deal with bullying. So I wrote a script, had some auditions, and started filming the munchkins in imaginary bullying situations. I was lucky to have such good actors this year who were open to retakes, but still it was pretty tough to try and fit filming into our already busy schedule. Most of it occurred during recesses.

And the due date was fast approaching.

One of the greatest challenges was finding a quiet place at school to film the scenes. We don’t have any special equipment like muff-covered microphones or special lights. Just an IPad. We’d be in the middle of one with the kids rocking their acting and the bell would ring or a ball would roll our way with a second-grader right behind.

So with a groan I’d delete that take and try again.

On the last day before all entries were due, I tried taking the kids to behind the school, thinking that would be quiet and protected from the blustery winds of Santa Maria. And it worked, sort-of. But then there was another announcement while filming.

With recess over, what choice did I have? We were out of time so I had to use the scene.

And was surprised as heck with how good the video came out.

But would we win?

Weeks passed. No news. The kids kept asking me if I’d heard anything and I had to shake my head no. Then one morning there was an email in my inbox.

“Dear Laurie,

We are delighted to inform you that you are a Winner in the Take A Stand Against Bullying Video Contest sponsored by Oxy Skin Care. The Scholastic and Oxy teams were so impressed with the caliber of work; your students should be very proud!” I read the other morning as my fifth-grade students were getting out their homework.

“Yahoo! We won! We won!” I crowed jumping up and down in front of my astonished class.

“What, Ms. Woodward?”

“The video we made won the national contest!”

There was silence for a moment then a roar of cheers, applause and desk pounding so deafening I was sure the principal would come in any second and tell us to quiet down. Kids leapt into the air, high-fiving each-other while I did a victory Salsa dance across the room.

I love being a teacher.

The author of The Pharaoh’s Cry, Portal Shift, Kidnapped Smile, and Dragon Sky from the fantasy series The Artania Chronicles, as well as the middle-grade Forest Secrets. Laurie Woodward co-wrote Dean and JoJo: The Dolphin Legacy. Her poetry has been published in multiple journals and anthologies and she was a collaborator on the popular anti-bullying DVD Resolutions. Bullied as a child, Laurie is now an award-winning peace consultant, poet, and blogger who helps teach children how to avoid arguments, stop bullying, and maintain healthy friendships. She writes on the Central Coast of California. More about her work can be found at artania.net